世界很大，很庆幸能遇见你。

谢谢你，亲爱的。

there are two kinds of people.
one that keeps you waiting,
and another that waits for you.

why can't people just all be punctual?

Just because you know that I love you, and that I'll never leave you doesn't mean that you should be mean to me.

For once, I'm just gonna sit back and relax.

I'm going to put myself first. Instead of sitting around waiting for your text, second guessing myself, I'm going to go out there, meet new people, learn new things, do the things that I love, and the things I've always been to busy to do.

No matter what happens next, I'm going to work on myself and be the best and the happiest I've ever been.

And then I'm going to love you, all of you, with my best self.

But you show up for the people that need you, even when you can't. You just do.

Why didn't you?

Do you ever get the feeling that you've been waiting forever for someone to come along, someone so perfect that they shouldn't exist…?

sometimes
I don't know why I do the things I do
I don't know why I say the things I say

I'm never good with details, I'm never good with remembering details
appointments, phone numbers, car license plates, the number on your letter box
I'm never the attentive one
cards, letters and Facebook birthdays
little presents or the occasional phone calls
surprises

but I do remember

me crying, weeping
death grip on your wrist begging you not to leave,
the look of concern on your face while putting the band aid on my tiny finger,
tear-streaked face when he smashed the wooden chair into pieces,
scrunched up eyebrows, lines on forehead with worries painting your face
the sound of your laughter bundled up in my blanket
constant words ringing in my head
and the pride in your voice telling me that I can

The whisky laced I love yous
the sad look on your face when I walked away
violence with anger fueling your veins
and umbrella in the cold rain
wrapping me in your strong arms
warm hands
as you showed me the world
things you gave me and still giving

fight, wars and racing cars
alarm clock, knocked doors and late classes
third wheel dates
protective threats
heavy shoulders

All your teaching and words I hold close to heart

these I do remember
Just like an elephant
Elephant never forgets. 

总在忙碌的时候特别的想家
累了也得继续的撑下去，挨下去
要加油！

Why do we always think that We're worth less than we actually are?
Why do we always think that we deserve less than we actually do?

All you had to do was to ask how my day was.

I love you.
Yes you, I love you.
No why, no buts, I just do.
I may be crinkling my nose when I say it
I may be staring into your eyes or
I may be sniggering
But it weighs
almost more than what my shoulders can bear
Like footsteps in the sand
sinking deep but not always seen

Sometimes it's the way your eyes lit up when you laugh
Sometimes it's the bad jokes that you crack
Or the occasional serious conversations
Or just plain old bullshit-fest

Choking up with overwhelming emotions

couldn't help getting it off my chest
tightening throat
I carelessly blurt them out

Haha you love me - you said
I replied - yes unfortunately I do.
For a split second
in the silence i could hear the cogs in your head turning
So like a coward I panicked
and laughed it off

That is what I do
endless pointless banter
hiding behind a facade
laughing things off like they don't matter
but they did
they always do
Whoever you are
I always mean it when I say it
Wholeheartedly

and sometimes love it just doesn't go away

it's crazy
indeed when you're not getting the love you want, giving makes you think you will

I still remember the day I told you that three words
And you threw it back in my face

A grain of sand was what they had
she couldn't bear to lose what they had
clutching it, she was afraid of the breeze, the rain,
the accidental bumping of shoulders with familiar faces
or the occasional judging eyes of strangers
and so she hid, carefully stepping over every little cracks
holding what tiny left that they had close to her heart
holding her breath and hushing the whispers around them
commanding the world to stand still

it was flawed, it was a mess but she didn't care
she told her that she was beautiful, special
and she believed
slowly like an addict, she craved for more

imagine her surprise when she was denied
promises were broken
light as a feather, it didn't stand a chance against the soft flapping of butterfly wings
in a blink of an eye

In the end,
'what for?' she asked herself

Listening to the sound of the rain against my windowpane
messy hair,
I held my mug tightly in my hands
feeling the heat against my ice cold palms
not wanting to let go
as the aroma of the coffee filled the hole in my soul

another box on the calendar crossed
out of breath
I crossed over to the other shore
maybe one day I'll find the key I threw away
maybe someday I'll breathe again

sturdy and strong
ready to go

As I laid on the bench
wrapping my thinly-padded fingers
around the knurled surface
feeling the tearing of my skin
and tiny beads of sweat on my forehead

blood coursing through my veins
erratic heartbeat threatening to burst out of my rib cage
narrowing my eyes, puffing my chest I defied gravity
and used every ounce of strength I had left
stretching my shaking arms
pushing the crushing weight away from my chest
Phew catching my breath
'One more last rep' he said
Fuck

My first ever proper lifting with barbells.

And now I'm just waiting for the muscle soreness and the formation of calluses on my palm.

20 kgs! Baby steps baby steps :)

只差一点点 即可以再会面
可惜 偏偏 刚刚 擦过
十面埋伏过 孤单感更赤裸

有时候跌倒了，很想就这样一直躺在地上

要放弃真的很容易

'This will be my last 1111 wish for you', and I promised myself.

Forever posting this

But if stars shouldn't shine, by the very first time,
Then dear it's fine, so fine by me.
Cause we can give it time, so much time with me.

-- Stars, the xx

One of those days, one of those moments
Be it
someone who walked pass
a song on the radio
or a restaurant we both like

I thought of you and I almost teared up

Fan Jian

Why do I always make the same mistake over and over again.

It's okay getting something wrong the first time - people make mistakes, but repeating the same mistake again is just plain stupid. 

Once again, I'm throwing everything I have in my grasp just to chase after the shadow of impossible. 

basking in your presence, I've never been more at peace

reaching out, tracing the contour of your face with the tip of my trembling fingers

feeling your breath grazing against my face

hearts entangling, beating in sync in such a harmonic way 

But you are not there, you never were 

You are my impossible 

and yet, every inch of you I ache 

I breathe today and I feel you in my bones 

You are an involuntary action that is crucial to me. 

Four in the morning, jerking awake and hoping that I was in your arms.

I always find myself coming back to you.  

When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven. 

Why are some people so perfect? Like, how is that even possible?

I don't think you can ever stop loving someone.

There's nothing worse than watching your mother cry
or to listen to your brother's voice
break on the other end of the line.

What do you do when you can't find the right words to make things better?

Every now and then people do fall apart. 
Oh Bonnie, you were right. 

離開的時候 有些話沒親口說
再多的承諾 未來也難預測

孤單的自由 沒有想像中快活
我已不知所措 連回憶都心痛

When I was walking to the kitchen to make my breakfast this morning,
I accidentally stepped on my hopes, dreams and motivation that
were already dirty and torn lying on the floor.
And I wonder how long has it been since I dropped them there.

Maybe, maybe tomorrow
the weather will prove the forecast wrong
and I'll find new ones with my backpack and a book in my hand
walking on random streets
Just maybe, the sun will decide to turn up tomorrow
and show me the way

Turned my laptop on and the
first thing that I saw was you
staring right back at me

Basking in the aroma of my morning coffee
with my elbows dancing on the countertop
I racked my brain
from the left to the right
top to the bottom


then I realised how I almost have
forgotten the way you look
that I used to know like
the back of my hand


No one ever told us
No one ever taught us
flipping the dictionary I don't think
I will ever fully grasp the concept
of Love

It is such a shame
when all the happy moments
and sweet memories
are now merely just
some pictures on the wall

Counting the number of raindrops
I stared into my desktop and
waited for the hitch of breath
that never came

Dear best friend,
I find shelter in you
You were the hurricane strutting across the foyer
turning heads, blowing minds and
I was just a spectator, entranced by the wind
in your hair, or sometimes better
a passenger on the ride of your roller coaster

As the sun dimmed and curtains are drawn
Skin peeled and knees are scraped
hidden from watching eyes, I realise
you are greater than words,
you are my symphony,
the smell of the Starbucks coffee that lingers,
prancing in my nostrils.
The dark chocolate cakes and
the popcorn-shooting bazookas.
The endless banter or occasional silent phone conversations
counting your breath on the
other end of the line.
The silly faces and handprints painting the full length mirror.
The mess of the flooded changing room and
us dancing away with our soaked feet.

Countless sunsets proved me wrong.
You were never just the storm
sweeping every feet you came across.

Even with the crazy distance which
stretches towards the moon and back,
the numerous tides separating the monkey and the shark.
Your shadow I see everywhere, from
the Korean Restaurant to
the school library.
You are the colour of my world after
a drizzle,
the stretch mark across my back
imprinted in my story, painting
my plot with colours and adjectives.

Too much is never enough with you.

I've never been happier that
our worlds collide and
I only wish for more sunrises and sunsets
with you.

If only I could retrace my footsteps
one by one slowly creeping back into your arms,
stuck my finger to the old cassette tape rewind
back to that winter time with our hands in our pockets
and the stolen kisses behind closed doors,
back to that little fort with scarfs around our necks
and me keeping you warm
as we strolled passed the lullabies in the park
getting lost in the constellation and the woody paths.
Fleeting touches and late night Aglio-olios,
whispered secrets and hushed conversation as I
mold into your side in that tiny bed
with the moonlight illuminating your face and
your blue pyjamas.
Don't pace I said, not even during the rainy days,
the clock is ours and only ours.

Two parallel lines don't cross, they don't intersect.
I know, but maybe
just maybe if we stretch our arms and
hold out long enough,
our fingertips may touch.
It wasn't that I was ashamed nor that I was afraid,
it was just delicate.

But you can't relight a burned cigarette
or revive a disintegrating cell.
You can't flatten a crumpled paper
or swallow the words you said.
When all that's left are the
pictures of yesterday, along with the words whispered,
unheard in the dark, I found the ending to
the story that never once start.

3 am in the morning, heavy eyelids gazing at the stars on the ceiling
birds were singing to the beat of my clock ticking
Laying against the cold sheets I almost missed the warmth of your body heat
and that dip at the spot next to me
I crave for your hand on my chest feeling my frantic beat,  legs
that tangle with mine, making knots
your breath on my neck tickling
and the occasional echo of your coughs ricocheting off the walls
Was it yesterday when you stole the covers away and
then I gave you a peck on your forehead?
Like yesterday I almost missed you and
the way you closed your eyes when we kissed
but I guess the bittersweet taste of Mocha left in my mouth
will suffice for tonight, just tonight